5 Essentials of a Great Relationship

Sacred Love: The Honeymood that lasts forever

When I wrote sacred love I stepped away from my beautiful relationship in order to add up the learning I’d done from my 4 previous marriages. Most of what I deduced seems logical but often just forgotten or not said. Maybe I spoilt the beauty of it by calling it sacred, but the point I was trying to make in the title was that it is the love that’s sacred, not the relationship.

  1. Love Life not just one person or a family… when life is so awful that we become obsessed with the sacredness or attachment to one individual, whether it be a partner or parent or priest, we surrender something so precious that it is sure to toxify anything we touch. A person who hates life cannot love. A person who loves life loves people, nature, cats, dogs, oceans, friends but they may only act to demonstrate that love toward one permission, and that can be a relationship.
  2. Crikey, Evolve or Let Go. The more we fear, the more we attract what we fear. The more we jealous, the more we attract the thing we are jealous about. The more we complain and bitch and winge about things in our partner, the more we destroy the love and the relationship that comes to share it. People become as we treat them. It’s far better to resolve your stuff around insecurities, fears and uncertainties than it is to moan and groan that the person you are with, or the situation you are in, isn’t perfect. This is called the placebo effect. If you think you’re in a shitty place, you will be.
  3. Get Fiercely Independent. It’s Walker’s Law… please others and piss yourself off or please yourself and piss others off. But there’s a smarter strategy. Please others to please yourself. That’s it. You ask yourself in business, life, love: “how does doing what they want get me what I want?” At first, after a long dry spell of sex you might meet someone and they say “stand on your head and I’ll give you head” and you’re willing to play. But after some months of that, your head starts hurting and the head gets boring and you start wondering why you ever started dating. When you are with one partner you dream about being with the many. When you are with the many partners you dream about finding the one. We need to own this disastisfaction by accepting that relationships do not make you happy. That responsibility is yours from birth to death. It means you have seven areas of life and each has to be balanced in its own right rather than balance your stressful work and tiredness by finding a suitable partner who pats you on the head like a parent and coddles you like a baby. Balance yourself in your work, not outside of it.
  4. Vision, Inspiration and Purpose. The human spirit has not been hijacked by terrorists, nor by born again fundamentalist religions, the human spirit has been hijacked by Buddhist westerners trying to kill it off in order to make peace. The yoga classes, mindfulness classes and meditation classes have been hijacked by people who don’t embrace the human spirit. They’d rather see the world coated in leather than wear a pair of leather shoes. Beware the HR department who advocates a harmonious workplace where political correctness supersedes creativity, quarels and interpersonal challenge. When it comes to love and relationship two people who buy the notion of peace and harmony in their relationship breed the opposite outside their relationship, at work or in their health or their kids. What you judge you breed (in your children) attract (in partner or boss) or become (yup you). So, get a vision, inspiration and purpose big enough to hurt for and then the human spirit has permission and a healthy target rather than mischief in mind.
  5. Love is a Lifestyle. Although similar to #1 it’s not at all the same. This is love in action. To be kind to strangers, to be generous with your opinions, to compliment and raise people, to have a focus in your life bigger than your wealth, your health, your work, your satisfaction, your happiness, your thankfulness. Spin life on it’s ear, and make the satisfaction of others your focus and there are five good reasons for this:
    1. The happiest you’ll ever be is satisfying other people’s needs and wants.
    2. You’ll make a fortune in business because this is the key to making zillions
    3. It turns the torch on to the real spirit of life, and makes you super sexy
    4. It’s an energy feedback loop that cannot fail
    5. It’s the source of power in all walks of life. (Who said: “Tell them what they want to hear until they are ready to hear what you want to tell them?” Answer paraphrased, The Buddha.)