The global statistic for relationship failure has risen to 60% end in divorce in the Western World where divorce is allowed. That leaves a 40% success rate of staying together. Now, discount from that 40% couples who are having affairs (together but not together), domestic violence (couples who are together by fear), sexless couples (couples who stay together because of the children or social pressure) and we’re starting to see the real statistic. 80% of relationships fail.
Measured By Universal Laws of Nature
Actually, there’s a more accurate way of measuring fail and success in relationships. 50% of relationships end in resentment (whether they stay together or not doesn’t matter) and 50% end in infatuation (whether they stay together or not doesn’t matter). Attraction and repulsion, infatuation and resentment, each pair of opposites balance themselves out in all relationships. However, some couples choose to focus on infatuation, others on resentment, but, no matter what the focus, the balance will remain.
It’s like your job
at work, you can focus on what attracts you in your work or what you resent in your work. Either way, doesn’t matter, you’ll have both, in equal amounts and how you feel (emotions) about your work will be determined by which side of the “ledger” you choose to focus on. Look at the bright side and ignore the dark and you’ll be infatuated with your work. Look at the dark side and you’ll resent your work. Ultimately there’s two sides, infatuation and resentment and they are perfectly in balance in every second of your work.
It’s like your partner or virtual partner
The easiest relationship we can have is the one we don’t have. The relationship we imagine is always with “the one” the perfect, no problems, no distractions, no complaints, no compromises partner. Just look in the relationships wanted ads or if you could, scan Tinder and see what people want. (which explains why they are on Tinder) – Infatuation is the quest to find the half person, and resentment is the result when reality comes home to roost. Depression in itself is simply fantasy meets reality. Elation (there’s a world out there without conflict, darkness, bad things, ugliness, dirty, and mean) gets met with depression (oh, my god, I can’t find a place where the dark doesn’t creep in to balance the light). Hence the addiction to meditation for many is a wish to sustain the ideal that there is a place, somewhere in the universe, where real people don’t exist, and bliss is possible without contradiction. This is mental illness in it’s formative foundation and it’s sold to children all too often.
Make a wish
When we’re encouraged to make a wish, we’re also encouraged to imagine that what we think will come true if we’re good enough. All behavioural control notions that rob us of a sense of humour, resilience, love and most important self respect. The minute we project our wishes onto a mythical altar ego we form the foundations of relationship failure.
Failed relationships come because one or both people don’t know how to grow themselves. You’ll see the overweight person who used to be gorgeous and healthy wondering what happened to his or her great relationship. Hell bent on weight loss they vacillate between ice cream binging, chocolate pig outs, and carrots.To grow means to handle bigger and bigger challenges with less and less anxiety, so you stay you, while you handle the circumstances. But most people can’t. They try to shrink themselves or their partner to the level of stress they could handle last year by using food, greed, sex and spirituality as support which may help cope but not help a relationship.
10 Tips – How to be in the top 20%
1. Have a purpose in life greater than yourself (self includes your family and children) because you’ll be asked to compromise your balance between work and home and it’s important to be flexible on this otherwise you will become self-obsessed and single. However, that flexibility must not take you away from your centre. So a very long range centre point, axis, is your purpose in life. This is where adaptability comes from. (very romantic)
2. Know yourself… I don’t mean which chocolate ice cream is your favourite. I mean, what are your values. If you know your values you can work toward them without feeling defensive or intimidated by your partner’s behaviour which is always toward their values. Know yourself reduces the negativity in relationship and increases appreciation. (very romantic)
3. Don’t burn bridges … how many times I’ve heard people say, “this is going to be a tough few months but I’ll make up for it at the end.” It’s a sure fire way to make an excuse for ignorance, abuse and unrepairable memories created for no real long term benefit to anyone. Longer hours don’t mean better results and shorter hours don’t mean better relationships. Don’t burn bridges, live today as if it were the last day of your life, because guess what, It just might be.
4. Forget Date nights… Every single night is date night and this current fashion of date night is just an expensive excuse to remember what should never be forgotten. Everything counts, every meal is a romantic one even with kids at the table. Every movement carries a story and each time you dress, you impress. Thankfulness isn’t a one night a week date. It’s always.
5. Appreciation isn’t a birthday …. guilt drives gift giving and that’s fine but appreciation, which is what a gift demonstrates, is a state of mind that must become the natural state of love and relationship, otherwise, a gift is an excuse for ignorance. 365 days a year is valentines day. Don’t get hooked on the “special days” make everyday special. with this, relationships can’t and won’t fail.
6. There are five more… maybe you can fill them in…..