I am standing on a narrow ledge, the wind is strong, my grip is small, the drop is huge and life threatening. One single doubt will throw my balance. Let my doubts be cleared.Christopher Walker
In a search to conserve the Energy with you, the emphasis is not on questioning but on doubt.
“Let my doubts be cleared”. Is the call of Devi to Krishna. This is significant because if you are asking intellectual questions, you are asking for a definite answer so that your problem can be dissolved. But you are really asking, let my doubts be cleared. And if you knew this you would not the asking for answers, you would be asking for a transformation of your mind.
A doubting mind will remain at doubting mind no matter what the answers that are given to it because it is separated from the heart, it’s perspective is too small. A doubting mind will remain a doubting mind no matter what intellectual knowledge is provided to it, the answers to the questions are really irrelevant. If we given one answer and we have a doubting mind, we will doubt the answer. If we get another answer, and we have a doubting mind we will doubt that answer also. If we have a doubting mind, then a doubting mind means we will put a question mark on everything. To anything and everything that is presented to us, including love.
So how can doubts be cleared?
You can hypothesize, study philosophy, attach yourself to dogma and religion, but doubt will always exist until there is an experience beyond all of these intellectual pursuits. When you awaken to your heart you find to your surprise that your heart is empty. You find to your surprise there is pure space. You are what is in your heart and if you look closely you won’t find anything tangible. You find nothing, except feeling, an intent, a caring. And this is beyond doubt, all answers exist in this empiness, not as words or ideas, but a knowings. You may say that you really know the answer but just can’t or don’t want to hear it.
THE SPAGHETTI MIND
If your goals require the participation of someone else, spouse, kids, boss, economy, judge, race director, umpire, competitor, you will have doubt. When you need to participation of someone else to do your thing, your mind becomes spaghetti because it is uncertain that this other person will participate. You get doubt.
Self-reliance is necessary to tap the energy of removing doubt.
Learning to think for yourself, to look after yourself, to wait on yourself, and to act on your own judgments is a crucial part of the development of the freedom of clarity, do clear your doubts.
All humans are dependent, socially, commercially, nationally, and emotionally. Therefore independence is not isolation or withdrawal but the ability to follow your own convictions amongst the questions and turbulence of life. You must become immune. A conviction must arise in you where there is no need to go into defence, no mention of doubt or uncertainty, no panic or fear, just centered, committed and certain. Therefore you must get to know yourself, and your own heart well because there will be obstacles and in these times true depth is essential.
This begins with clear UNFUCKWITHABLE Goals.
A goal that included others for their achievement is a toxic goal. We can say “I am going on a world tour” or “My partner and I are going on a world tour.” Latter is weak, the former is unfuckwithable. We are inviting our partner to join us on a world tour, but if they say no, we still go. There is a huge difference in the certainty of these two goal statements. Goals that have a condition on others are therefore at the root of doubt.
The heart holds this doubt free space well, and the main thing that takes people away from their true heart is seeking approval, emotional dependence. This of course is extremely disempowering and the drain of energy is enormous. Getting out of the habit is easier said than done.. For the average person what others think about them is fundamentally how they live to achieve, feel about themselves and manage their lives. Trying to do the right thing is an extraordinary ambition. Especially when right changes from person to person, even between parents and this effort is all but a waste. No one can approve of you more than you do yourself. In this there can be no compromise.
Beyond Doubt – Beyond Approval
We might seek approval to be paid, fed, loved and needed. We might seek approval in order to feel nurtured and safe and secure. We seek approval to get what we want and we seek approval to have some form of identity. We seek approval in order to know our place in the world, to re assure us and to overcome our fears. My goodness we seek approval in order to feel good. So when one is asked to move on from that way of being it may sound extremely callous.
Self approval is also a razors edge. Did I really follow a deep intuition? Or was I just being stubborn when I rejected that advice? Self approval and fear based stubbornness are so similar they are nearly indiscernible within a person. We must therefore know ourselves well to be able to use this razor’s edge well.
The start of knowing yourself is to learn not to trust your emotions, but at the same time be willing to experience them. It sounds confusing. To be aware of your true self in contrast to your emotions, know that you cannot be right without wrong.
Then move beyond reacting, trickery and manipulation. Be real, honest with yourself and others. You are free to be and there is no need to pretend. Get past malice, emotion and anger. Get past retribution and condemnation because these are all signs of stupidity, ignorance and unconsciousness and truly – if you mission becomes to reach for your deeper truth, these are the blockages. If you are poor and ignorant, or deficient in any important range of education use your time for study; pursue a line of study that will better your circumstances.
So beyond doubt means living from the heart. It means that there is a resting within. Home is where the heart is and the heart is, in fact, really empty. Some people think that the heart is full of voices and advice, or past memories of living in Egypt 10,000 years ago. But the heart has no voice. There is simply a knowing – and this knowing requires an absolute stillness to detect.
So how do we detect the difference between head and heart, between emotion and truth? How do we know when we are in our truth, and therefore self accepting or in our mind and therefore deluding ourselves?
Stillness – The Key to the Door of Your Heart
Quiet the mind means to isolate the mind, this is weak and vulnerable. On the other hand, to still the mind means to go somewhere deep. Quiet the mind is vulnerable, like the surface of the lake and is always exposed for something to disturb its surface. To still the mind means to dive beneath the surface of the lake. Where surface ripples (emotions) do not disturb the stillness.
All we need to do is find a way of being still in the world so that even if the sun rose in the west instead of the East we would still follow the same path.
“Give me a few hours by myself, let me alone, shut out all interruptions, and I can bring myself down to my work. I take my pen in hand. I write a few thoughts. I see the future. And realize my responsibility.”Christopher Walker
Aloneness is essential. But the mind cannot come to it with a city built understanding of it. The whole problem of loneliness is that it is not seen for it’s worth. All people are, at times lonely, but for those whose city life does not embrace it, they spend so much of their life running to escape it, and in that life, all activities are the activities of frustration. The happy person is not afraid of loneliness, it is for them the sublime truth from which the beauty of life can be appreciated. Happiness is happiness, alone or in company, and the action of aloneness is to create that awareness, permanently.
Great composers, artists and inventor’s have always had the capacity to be alone for extended periods of time. The greater their achievements, the more alone they were. Edison, lived, ate and slept in his workshop laboratory for weeks at a time. Interruptions would bring his mind back to the surface layers, so he would immerse himself in the inspiration of silence for days at a time. It was through this isolation that his subconscious mind could access that great ocean of knowledge known as the Akash. It is from there it can tap discoveries.
All this means that you have to be careful. You have to think it through before you let yourself get absorbed in avoiding being alone. Avoid emotion as a guide to action, avoid reaction as a true guide to your life and what will remain is the truth, yours. Do not trust your emotion, never will emotion take you where you want to go, or even where you thought you were going. Instead all they do is convert your energy into tension, in a self reinforcing feedback loop. The mind feels isolated and confused because it is afraid of that loneliness.
In city life we must be alone, alone from all influences, from all compulsions, from all demands, longings, hopes, so that the mind is no longer in the action of frustration. Ultimately, loneliness is the incomplete sense, not being able to depend on anything, not having anybody to turn to, whereas, aloneness is to embrace that we are never alone.
To be alone, to allow the mind to pass from its workday layers down to the universal sea, is the secret.Christopher Walker
Beyond Doubt – Opening the heart
An open heart just means no tension, an inner smile and not reacting to anything that happens. Beyond reason, fear, doubt, anger and blame, your heart is the core of your deepest humanity. When we have finished exploring intellect and attending ceremonies, when we are exhausted trying to change the unchangeable, then we come to rest in our heart. In this place your heart and my heart are one, we are interconnected, no need to compare, we are a part of something bigger, where our individuality is transient, the moment becomes important and we all relax in the knowledge that we have no idea of what will happen next. This is a beautiful reality, the core of confidence, love, beauty and a healthy, life.
It takes a certain trust.. A trust that, when faced with what seems to be an insurmountable challenge, we will survive. Faith in the higher order can hold us while we search our heart for comfort and rest. In times of challenge there is often a search for reason, and the mind finds comfort in its logic, it’s a sort of faith. But the heart will not rest in reason or logic. Reason is what is used to thwart the heart. Eventually we must feel, feel, feel and then know from within what is true, and the faster this can happen the faster we can return to our true nature .