My – it’s a beautiful word. One we use over and over to describe the state of self. We use because we must know ourselves and what we do and do not have. My car. My house. My wife. My job. My health. This is a critical component of life. But can it turn us into bad people?
When everything I do centres around my, I become ego-centric. My feelings. My house. My emotions. My beliefs. These grow from a state of centralisation around my. And when this happens something is dangerously wrong.
When something is dangerously wrong with us, we need attention. Ours or someone else’s. In this situation, the word “my” is all important. My brings blood to the stomach, it can product adrenalin, it can raise all the needed chemicals of focus. “My” brings attention to exactly where we want it: ourselves.
Measure the number of times a person says “My” or “I” in a conversation and you have a relative idea about the degree of wound, this individual is carrying. Of course, this is essential. If “I” am bleeding to death, “I” had better be thinking about “me” otherwise, my life is over. And emotionally, if “I” am hurt, “I” need to focus on that hurt to repair “myself.”
But what if ego-centricity becomes habitual? Then, rather than drawing attention to ourselves for all that is needed to fix, we draw attention to ourselves because we think it is right. Then, we create problems to focus attention on ourselves. This state of hyper-centralised self-awareness, is supremely dangerous.
Many people never stop healing. Long after the wound is repaired or the emotional source is eliminated, the habit of healing, saying “me” over and over, remains steadfast. It therefore turns an otherwise healthy person into a wounded one. Excess healing chemicals are produced, fears are magnified and emotions become a guiding light. This is all the result of healing that never finished and it must.
Looking at the world from the small vantage of “me” is sad. It creates many personal and social problems. Turning this around is the first step in coaching, finishing the healing and turning the focus from looking from self, to looking at self. This shift is freedom and expansion. An essential step in a healthy life.