Episode 71. Everybody is a mirror




Good morning. Good afternoon, wherever you are. This is Chris and well we’re indoors. We’re trying a little experiment here. I’m doing one of the 101 things I wish my dad had taught me.

We’re doing it live to camera. So today is everybody is a mirror. It’s so easy at business in business to start talking about how you feel or how other people make you feel.
And that becomes the focal point of leadership. I feel she feels he’s doing, she’s not doing, if you add up what work is all about, work is all about getting something done and how you feel might not be the most important variable in determining how you get something done.
So I might begin to suggest that time spent worrying about yourself or talking about yourself is really not necessarily time well spent.

Now that’s not true in a coaching session because in a coaching session, very similar to a counseling or therapy session, you’re going off piece to you.
You’re going off the main line of your daily life to check out your feelings and your emotions and how things are triggering you.

And I think for that purpose, you need a simulator an offline out of the mainstream simulator. But if you weave that stuff into your home life and you start talking to your partner about what this makes you feel and what that makes you feel, how you feel, how she feels, how they feel, what somebody said, how that affects you, how, what somebody of what you said affects somebody else.
You’re going to join. What I would refer to as the lower level of business, the lower level of business in society, the lower socioeconomic level, the below lower emotionally capable level.
And certainly the lowest performing level of our society comes from people who are worried about themselves. Now we all feel, we all feel good.

We all feel bad. We feel right. We feel wrong. And if we don’t feel we’ve become a sociopath. So I, I, I recognize that this conversation might lead you to get defensive about how you feel and how you don’t feel and what that’s going on.

I just think it’s wise not to make it the theme of your life. I call this a process and I talks as we Do a detox of the body, we do an eye tox in which we take the word I out of all conversations.
Now, I would love to admit that talking about my personal development was for me, probably the single most important thing in my life for a very long period of time, because I didn’t feel good about who I was.

I felt like I could change who I was. I felt like who I was was not good enough for certain circumstances.

And at the end of all that I came to realize the thing that was missing was stopping, talking about changing me and actually go out and do the thing.
Well it’s hard to teach this in any other format than to talk about the universal laws in the universal laws.

There’s always a hierarchy. You know that already, you know, that there’s a God to all the way to love too.

So there’s seven layers to everything. Now I didn’t make that up. There are seven layers between earth and the S the edge of the solar system, the magnetosphere there’s seven layers to your skin.

There’s seven different brains that you have in your body that all function differently. When you are functioning in the lowest brain, the should, and the gut to brain, you are talking about yourself, incessantly.

I should, I shouldn’t. You should, you shouldn’t. And one of the things about this is we’re encouraged to talk, not about ourselves, but talk about others.
But when we talk about other people, we’re talking about how they impact us, what is our opinion of them? How do they feel?

How, how does it make me feel to be around them? And so, in fact, whenever we talk about other people, we’re being absolutely a hundred percent narcissistic, because it’s how they impact us and how we want to do something about them.

So turns out that everybody’s a mirror and we use this mirroring to fake caring about them. But what we care about is how we feel about them, how we feel about their behavior, how we feel about them.

And so everybody’s a mirror. Now I’ll take this to the next level. If you’re still with me and you haven’t switched this off, I’ll take it to the next level.

Every human being has every human trait and that for many people is hard to comprehend, but every single trait that’s in add of Hitler, every single trait that’s in mother, Teresa or Jesus, every Single trait that’s in Muhammad, every single trait that’s in, in the Buddha, every single trait that’s in somebody that you may know or have read about or identified with is in you.

So when we talk about them, we’re talking about ourselves. And so we can’t hate somebody without hating ourselves, and we can’t love somebody without loving ourselves.

So the amount of love we share with a partner or the world is really dependent on how many discard forms we’ve done.

Discount form is a really important process because it takes any human quality, any human trait, and turns it to something that has a balance it’s two-sided.

It takes every human trait and says there’s good and bad in every trait at one might be, you might say, I’m very infatuated with the strength.

Well, strength is a great quality because it helps you muscle through physical, emotional, mental, financial challenges. But strength is also a barrier to intimacy.

It’s a barrier to learning. It’s a barrier to sensitivity. It’s a barrier to intuition. Then intuition is a really important quality because when we’re around people and something doesn’t feel right, it’s because we lack that so-called strength of determination.

And we’re sitting there in question or in doubt, or in trying to anally analyze what’s going on. So I strongly recommend that you search for the balance in every human quality.

Remember that you can’t love one person and hate another. That’s impossible. You can’t be angry about yourself and not be angry about that exact same quality in another human being to say, everybody’s a mirror is a hundred percent true.

I sorta wish I’d known that in my first marriage, because we, in relationship, we meet people we think are different to us and bring to us qualities that we don’t have.

We meet people outside of ourselves that we go, wow, this person is so cool. I wish I was them, or I wish I could have those qualities.

And so we partner with them in business. We partner with them in life in order not to grow personally, we partner with people.

So we don’t have to buy the owner quality. We don’t like all that we can let’s say piggyback, or, or, or parasite or attach ourselves to the quality they have.

And therefore not have to have it. Now. That is absolutely an unadulterated devolution. It’s it is a backward step. Every time do it.

A forward step is to say, I’ve just met somebody who has these qualities, where do I already have them? And in what form do I love those qualities in me?

Do I love them in them? And you get to a point which is more, I would say ambivalent now, ambivalence in business, ambivalence in relationship just needs a little like a meal, just needs a little dose of salt to make, to bring out all the flavor.

And that salt is gratitude. So if you can come to ambivalence on whether you’re buying a new car, whether you buy a new computer, if you can come to ambivalence on, on whether you join a new relationship or whether you’d leave one, you know, you’ve come to a very, very high place.

And then all you have to add is a little dose of salt, just to flavor the soup, which is called gratitude.

I think that might be enough for today. Hope you have a beautiful day. Bye for now.

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