November Episode 14. Two Faces or One. Communication Authenticity


00:01 Good morning, good afternoon, wherever you are. This is Chris, and today we are once again here talking about inner wealth. 00:08 And for those of you who are new to the game of inner wealth this is about how to be real, how to find a sense of purpose in the life, how to be fulfilled, happy, good leader stay healthy. 00:27 One of the things that’s really important with inner wealth is the idea of not compartmentalizing your life. And to realize that if there is any of the seven areas of life that goes to a got to, it drags all the others down with it. 00:42 And a lot of people are good at masking. So let’s just talk about masking for a minute. Masking means that you go to work and you, you’re there. 00:53 You’ve turned up, you’ve arrived at work, you’re doing your work, but something’s going wrong in your family life in, So, in other words, in a sense you could be feeling one thing, but working on another thing, and the feeling of being, let’s say, in a threatened place at home, which means you might be not secure in the relationship or not totally grateful for what you’ve got, or you might be missing something at home, or it could be your health, and you’re worried about some element of your health. 01:31 I was having coffee recently with a guy who had had prostate cancer, and he said to me, So when is the last time Chris, you had a blood test for prostate? 01:41 And I said, Look, I don’t want to know. And he said, Well, putting your head in the sand is one way to deal with prostate cancer, but maybe your blood test will would be a smarter way. 01:54 I felt that his comment was coming from his own fear, but once I’d heard from him about that, it stuck in my brain that, you know, maybe I need to just like having a having your put tested for colon cancer, maybe some of these things sit in the back of your mind as a as a potential, a worry, and you don’t deal with it because you don’t wanna know the worst case scenario. 02:30 So given that the suggestion he’d made, stuck in my brain, I went and had a blood test and all clear, but that goes demonstrate. 02:42 So this is an aura ring, and this aura Oaring measures a thing called heart rate variability. And heart rate variability, they say, is a measure of the degree of, of the parasympathetic nervous system being triggered and parasympathetic nervous system doesn’t care which area of life your stress is. 03:04 So if you, so in other words, your heart is beating to a certain rhythm based on a stress that could be nothing to do with what you’re doing right here and now. 03:16 So let’s say I’m on this podcast, I’m talking to you this morning. I’m really happy about that. I’ve been out coaching this morning, I’ve been on the beach. 03:24 I’ve done everything that’s necessary today to inspire myself. I’ve done my walk chi, I’m about to have brey. I’ve had a cup of coffee. 03:32 I feel really good about the day. Everything’s going really swimmingly, and I really know that my opinion is in this context, an educated opinion. 03:42 So I feel okay to speak about it. But let’s just say there was some anxiety about some topic, financial or emotional or whatever it be. 03:55 The heart doesn’t know that I’m in a good place. The heart is responding to the biology of the body, which thinks it might not be in a good place somewhere in the seven areas of life. 04:08 And so the great thing about the aura ring is it does measure the truth, and we need to work on the truth because we can mask. 04:17 So when I meet people and they hear I’m a coach, or, or I work on human development, they straight away button up and, and start telling me what I, what they think I want to hear even though they’ve paid me to help them shift their mindset. 04:35 So masking is a beautiful thing. Masking means that we, we filter whatever we feel through a, through a process that delivers what we think other people want us to feel. 04:47 So if you could take it as an example, let’s say somebody said to me Chris, you didn’t brush your hair, so that’s really stupid. 04:56 And my immediate response is my choice, my choice. Boom. They then then I think, Well, what am I gonna say back? 05:08 How am I gonna share that? So I go, Boom, my choice. I could verbalize those words and say, to hell with you, it’s my choice, but I don’t want to verbalize that. 05:21 I don’t want to pick a fight that and I certainly don’t want to pick a fight I can’t win, which is about opinions. 05:28 So I would rather find language to come out of here that says to that person, Ha, understand your viewpoint is different to mine and leave it at that. 05:38 But if then the masking process of taking what I feel, which is how dare you, or I like it this way, or if, if, if, if I can’t, firstly I need to filter it, because that’s called communication. 05:52 Secondly, if I mask and become aligned with the words that come out in order to communicate well, I miss something really important. 06:03 And that is confidence. I miss strength, I miss my inner virtue, I miss my integrity, and therefore I can have something going on in here which triggers the parasympathetic nervous system to affect my HR V. 06:18 And yet I will say what I think the other person will respond well to as an act of not causing a fight. 06:28 So, great quote, pick your fights, which means if you’re gonna let something out of your mouth and opinion, make sure it’s educated. 06:37 That’s first. Second, make sure it’s been asked for, that’s really important. And thirdly, it’s not a reaction. So when you speak, you speak to deliberately communicate with another person, and you get a choice, you can let it out, which is what you feel is gonna come up through your mouth and out the other side. 06:57 And basically saying, The most important thing for me about communicating is about releasing what I feel. However, spirituality, which is one word whenever I talk about the wheel, people get really confused about, They say, Can you please define for us what you mean by spirituality? 07:16 And I would define it like this. It’s how you make people feel. So at the end of the day, all of us are trying to communicate to other people in the world in order to cause them to feel what we would like them to know. 07:33 We, we want them to feel something about either us or our product or our service or our leadership or our love or our friendship. 07:42 We want to make other people feel something, and that is our spirituality. And spirituality can be encapsulated in, I want to make people feel grateful. 07:53 I wanna make people feel centered. I wanna make people feel loved, gratitude, presence, certainty and love, or I wanna make people feel inspired or visionary. 08:04 And when you make a person feel something, the key to it will be, of course, taking what you feel, making sure you mask it in order to communicate in a way that they get what you intend. 08:19 However, in the process of taking what you feel and filtering it and masking it, you can become identified with the mask. 08:29 So what’s really important about spirituality is to know this, whatever you’re feeling in here, the mask might put on a disguise to say, I want you to feel something. 08:40 But what the person will experience is you, your narrative. And it’s really important to know that you can’t give what you haven’t got. 08:49 So if you want someone to tune into and feel good about themselves, then you Want to feel good about yourself before it goes through the filtering process, the masking process, to deliver it in a way that they can hear it. 09:04 And this process of getting what’s going on inside of you, the narrative that’s going on inside of you, clear and owning it and taking responsibility for it is a very different one than the psychology of making sure that what you think and what you speak the mask making that which is which, which is what we think is communication, Making sure it has authenticity, making sure that what’s behind it, we know. 09:39 Let me give you an example. If I, someone said to me, Tomorrow, your hair’s outta place, and I would go to hell with you. 09:49 That’s where I feel, Who are you? I didn’t ask. I feel it. I can feel it’s not defensive, but I feel assaulted. 10:04 I don’t, but I could. I could then go, What am I gonna say to this person? They’ve assaulted me, they’ve made a comment, they have no right that they’ve invaded my privacy, but I don’t want to offend them. 10:18 So I will put on a smile, Oh, thank you, <laugh>. Yeah, this funny, isn’t it? And I can communicate with them because this smile, this thought, this feeling is what I think I’m conveying across to another person. 10:36 But if I’m angry about their comment, no matter how much I smile, no matter how much I put on a happy face, they’re gonna go, Aha. 10:46 Gotcha. All right. So owning what’s inside and not modifying it, but more over really knowing where your buttons are and what’s being pushed deep inside and then masking in order to communicate is really important part of life. 11:04 But if what’s going on inside gets lost in the process and you don’t know yourself, what can easily happen is this. 11:12 You can have something happen at home this morning, which makes you feel something sad, for example, or affronted or disappointed or threatened or insecure or annoyed or angry or, or rejected. 11:28 Or you can feel something from this morning and you come to work and you go, I’m in a meeting and I’d like to talk about your strategy, please. 11:39 And here’s, we are gonna talk about strategy, and I’m going to share with you our business strategy. What’s gonna go on for the next 12 months of our business life. 11:47 And here it is. And I can be this mask and I can think these thoughts. And what I might be doing is conveying anger and disappointment or whatever it is that happened this morning up through the mask and out through the brain, through my words and into the mind of the other person through their ears, into their body. 12:09 And at some point in time, they will feel your anger. Now, that’s why the ring is a really good thing, because it’s saying if you have HIV is going down, something’s not right. 12:24 And it may not be in the area of life in which you’re putting on the mask, it may be coming from somewhere else. 12:31 And I think this is a really important part about spirituality, is we don’t work on ourselves for our own sake. 12:39 We work on ourselves so that when we communicate, when we make another person feel something in the world, it’s authentic, it’s real, and it goes to the core of that person. 12:51 It doesn’t just land on the surface, which is psychology. Now I get really grumpy when we start talking about influencing other people or therapy or spirituality when it comes to the idea of elating a person, making them feel great. 13:12 Remember, a human psychology was stolen about two and a half thousand years ago with the birth of organized religion. You know that most organized religions throughout the history, if you follow any of them, have slaughtered millions of people in order to prevent them from confronting the paradigm. 13:36 Now, if you talk about Christianity alone, 9 million people were burnt at the stake are roughly 9 million people accused of witchcraft, which was the use of herbs in healing wounds. 13:51 Go figure. That’s how vehement religions became in trying to modify the way we think to cause a meme, to make it normal, to think a certain way. 14:05 But the meme we all need to follow is nature’s meme. If we follow nature’s meme, in other words, we think beyond the inculcated and indoctrinated process of religion, if we get back to really, really being a human being, which is very important given the planets in its state at the moment. 14:26 And given that it’s not about global warming, it’s not about the use of rainforest, it’s not about that. It’s about what’s going on up in here. 14:35 And if we apply thinking process that has been strictly driven into the minds of our ancestors since the birth of religion, if we follow down that path, we end up with this paradigm called positive thinking. 14:55 It’s the same stuff. We end up with Anthony Robbins, We end up with motivators. We end up with people telling us, we end up with leaders motivating us. 15:03 And the fight against that is a fight against years and years of indoctrination. So to step back a step from this, we say this, think as nature intended, right? 15:16 It’s really clear. It’s a big, big decision to make when you say, I want to think as nature intended. Now, elation, which is feeling good nature, elation, which is attraction, breeds repulsion. 15:31 Attraction breeds rejection, infatuation breeds resentment. All the problems that we are dealing with, with people’s mental health, with our kids, with our families, with our friends. 15:48 All the self harm that’s going on is caused by a thought process, which says, you can eliminate sin, you can create an adherence to goodness, and if you do sin, you’ll go to hell. 15:59 And if you do, goodness, you’ll go to heaven. That belief system is, has been driven so deeply, and those who objected to it were burnt or drowned or headed. 16:12 So to challenge this is to challenge a very deeply rooted system. Now, let’s just talk about nature’s law for just a second. 16:25 My body, the hard wiring of my body, the mechanical and the nerve structure of my body is designed for one purpose and one purpose only. 16:36 And that is to seek pleasure. That’s funny, isn’t it? Seek pleasure, Avoid pain is the opposite. That’s my body. That’s your body. 16:47 Our bodies are designed to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and therefore survive when we get pleasure. We are thankful. When we get away from pain, we’re thankful. 17:00 So to understand the body is to understand that it is looking for gratitude. It is looking for thankfulness. It is looking for thankfulness. 17:08 But the question will be if you get away from religious teaching, which is get away from the things that cause us to be bad, get away from the thing like cove the neighbor and get pleasure out of winking and all these sort of things, which religion made bad. 17:27 It basically said, you can have that gratitude, you can have that pleasure of your body as long as it’s good. 17:35 Now, that’s not the truth. That is religious teaching that’s woven into the infrastructure of our government. It’s woven into the infrastructure of our laws. 17:45 It’s woven into the infrastructure of our therapy, our counseling, our psychology. It’s just not the truth. Your mind, ego is wanting to be right. 17:57 It’s right is therefore safe. Your mind is avoiding being wrong. This is called the ego. And the ego or your identity is running away from wrongness and running away to righteousness. 18:12 So that is a religious paradigm. It is not the truth right and wrong who defined it, events or events until you judge them. 18:24 And so the ability to judge something as righteous or wrong wrongs is, is an inculcated belief system. The ego, which the righteous and righteous thing was trying to destroy was built out of it. 18:39 The truth is, you can never be right without wrong. You can never be wrong without being right. You can never be bad without being good. 18:49 You can never be good without being bad. But if you really understand that parts of the brain that have been manipulated or driven by thousands of years now of indoctrination and avoiding being burnt at the stake, rare up and say, Hang on a minute, I’ve got a habit. 19:10 My habit is to be right all the time. I wanna win. I wanna win. I wanna win. My expectation is be good, win, win, win, win. 19:18 And there’s no learn in that. So if you go back to nature, there is no right without or wrong. And with using that knowledge process, you start to strengthen a layer of the brain that is probably right now only available to you while you’re in the shower soaping up and you go, Wow, that’s a great idea. 19:41 And boom, you get a, an inspiration. Inspiration is available to everybody, but you have to become a visionary. You have to become a visionary. 19:51 Inspiration is available to everybody. And the only way you can get inspired is to recognize that the mask is a form of not making a fight. 20:01 A mask is a form of external connection with other people, but the real connection comes from what you feel and you need to own that first. 20:14 Now, if what you feel is anger, it’s because you’re interpreting an event. Your your dialogue or your narrative about an event is interpreted by your mind and it’s driving you to feel, You’re interpreting it with your mind, your senses, and it’s making you feel something. 20:35 And that feeling of anger may not be the best feeling that you want to experience or communicate to another person as measured by your aing. 20:48 You might want to communicate strength. You might want to communicate confidence. You wanna make, you might wanna communicate love. So to own the feeling in here, we have to be careful that the filter that filters things on the way out doesn’t filter things on the way in and change what you really feel into the, the a perpetual motion machine. 21:13 You witness the world, it makes you feel s****y. You try to fix the s****y by masking it on the way out to make it look pleasant. 21:22 To get these two, the mind and the body lined up and then have the feeling underneath it, which is authenticity, the feeling of love, the feeling of inspiration, the feeling of being visionary, the feeling of authenticity. 21:35 We must know this, this mask the way of the thought process, this whole dialogue that we have, the narrative that we have has been driven by religious belief systems for thousands of years. 21:47 And breaking that, going back to thinking as nature intended, becomes a learning process, a long one that never ends. Have a great day. 21:58 Bye.

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