ONLINE COURSE: THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR MIND #5. Mastering Interpersonal Negotiation: A Three-Step Guide

LISTEN TO: Mastering Interpersonal Negotiation: A Three-Step Guide on Podcasts

Introduction: Greetings, everyone! It’s a beautiful day, and I’m here to chat with you about negotiation. But not the kind you see in movies or boardrooms. Today, I want to delve into the subtle art of negotiating in our everyday interactions. I’m Chris, and let’s explore how to navigate these conversations with authenticity and grace.

Understanding Interpersonal Negotiation: Negotiation isn’t just about hammering out deals; it’s about navigating the delicate balance between expressing ourselves honestly and maintaining harmony in our relationships. Whether it’s agreeing to a small favor or setting boundaries, negotiation is woven into the fabric of our daily lives.

The Three-Step Process:

1. Honesty: The foundation of effective negotiation is honesty. Before responding to a request, take a moment to be truthful with yourself. What do you truly want, and how can you ensure that your actions do no harm to yourself or others? This step is about respecting your own values while considering the needs of others.

For instance, if someone asks for a favor, such as picking them up from the post office, weigh your priorities honestly. It’s essential to acknowledge your own limitations and communicate them respectfully. Remember, being honest doesn’t mean being blunt; it means being authentic and considerate.

2. Tell Them What They Want to Hear: Sometimes, saying “no” isn’t enough. In these situations, it’s crucial to frame your response in a way that respects the other person’s values. This doesn’t mean deceiving them but rather finding common ground that honors both parties.

For example, if you’re unable to pick someone up from the post office, explain the situation in terms of their priorities. By aligning your response with their values, you can soften the impact of your refusal while maintaining your integrity.

3. Pick Your Fights: Not every disagreement requires a battle. Knowing when to stand your ground and when to let go is key to successful negotiation. Consider the potential consequences of getting involved in a conflict. Will your intervention escalate the situation, or is it wiser to step back?

Drawing from personal experience, I’ve learned the importance of picking my fights wisely. Sometimes, the best course of action is to observe rather than intervene, allowing conflicts to resolve themselves naturally.

Conclusion: In essence, mastering interpersonal negotiation is about finding a balance between honesty, empathy, and assertiveness. By following these three simple steps—honesty, framing responses respectfully, and choosing your battles wisely—you can navigate conversations with confidence and integrity.

So, the next time you find yourself in a negotiation, remember to stay true to yourself, consider the perspectives of others, and know when to stand your ground or gracefully concede. With practice, you’ll become a skilled negotiator in both your personal and professional life.

Wishing you all fruitful negotiations and harmonious relationships ahead! Until next time, this is Chris signing off. Take care and have a fantastic day!

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Good morning, good afternoon, wherever you are. This is Chris. We’re out here on the balcony in the beautiful morning sun.
And today we’re going to talk about negotiation. Now, I’m not talking about negotiating for the family crystal. I’m not talking about negotiating in a business context.
I’m talking about the conversations we have with people on a day to day basis, where we’re trying to explain ourselves and be authentic and and, you know, get what we want. But at the same token, not cause the Third World War. So we’re talking about negotiating in a more interpersonal level.
And it’s very important to get this right. Life in the entirety of life is a negotiation. And I’ve created a three step, little three step process so you can remember this anecdote or this acronym for the for the future.
So the first step is honesty. Now, before if somebody says to you, would you jump off that cliff, please? You you need to. It’s pretty easy for you to say, no, I don’t want to, because it’s pretty easy to be honest with yourself about doing something that puts your life in danger.
But if somebody says, would you pick me up from the post office? Which is a really small thing, but can have a major impact on your life. You’re going to have to think through this before you answer. The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself.
What do you really want to do? Do you really want to go and pick someone up from the post office? Or are you going to do it because you’re afraid of the consequences of not doing it, which is also fair enough. So honesty is the first step. And what do I really want? And the question you’re asking is, how do I do no harm? So the question when you’re being honest with yourself is, how do I do no harm to me? In other words, what’s my honesty and how do I respect and value that? What’s the other person’s request? And how do I respect and value that? So someone says, would you pick me up from the post office? And you downright say, no, you could be.
You know, cutting off your nose to smite your face, you could be doing something that, you know, short term, that’s a really clever thing to say. But in the long term, that’s not so clever. So you’ve got to be honest with yourself.
You could be honest with. And so the first step is, I think, is to say to be someone says, you’re picking up the post office. Well, to be honest with you, I’m a bit busy right now.
That’s what you’re saying to yourself. But you want to do no harm. So you don’t want that person to think you don’t care.
You don’t want that person to be left at the post office with a heavy package. You don’t want to do to, you know, hurt them. So with this, with this inclusion of the concept of do no harm, you’re trying to do the right thing now.
Everything you do will be right, wrong. So there’s good and bad to everything. So this is not a long period of time debating the rights and the wrongs of it.
It’s just know what you want and be honest with yourself. The second is when if your answer is no. You have to tell them what they want to hear.
For example. No. If I pick you up from the post office right now, I haven’t won’t have time to pick up the kids from school or if I pick you up from the post office right now.
I won’t be able to have dinner with you tonight because this project I’m working on has to be finished or if I pick you up from the post office right now, can you drive the car home because I’ve got somewhere else to be. You you say you recognize and respect another person’s values. Now, it’s a Buddhist quote.
Tell them what they want to hear till they’re ready to hear what you want to tell them. And that’s basically advocating lie through your teeth. Rather than do any harm.
So but it’s also called marketing and it’s called romance. So it’s about telling somebody. And an answer they may not like, but telling them in a context of what they will like.
So this is an attempt to be very kind and do no harm. The third step, if the person says why. And then you tell them what they want to hear and they still say, well, I still want you to pick me up from the post office.
The third step is pick your fights. I had a neighbor who owned restaurants all his life, and we have in where I live from time to time, significant street trouble from people who had one too many beers or taken a drug and lost the plot. We have fights outside, people in cars doing all sorts of crazy things.
And sometimes when it’s happening, I come to the balcony or come to the front step to think, what should I do here? And when my friend who owned the restaurants used to live downstairs from me in the apartment block. I’d say, I’m going to just intervene. And and he, as a wise restauranteur, would say, Chris, pick your fights.
What he meant by that was. Does does you getting involved make this worse or better? That’s number one. Does the outcome of this really? Are you able to really impact the outcome of this or is your involvement going to escalate it? And he saved me many unnecessary squabbles with people.
By by suggesting from time to time that what was transpiring would peter out or would sort itself out if I just stayed out of it rather than to get involved. So I think they’re the three things I’d like to share with you today. But to say, if you’re negotiating the small stuff, make sure you recognize, number one, that you have a truth and that truth is worthy of your own self-respect.
And inside that truth is the. Are there all the emotions like guilt and shame and anger and fear and all that stuff and to sort through all that to make sure you know your own truth and just say, I want to do no harm to me or others. So know what you want.
Second one is. Tell them what you want, but don’t tell them in your language like, no, I’m busy or no, you know, that’s not a high priority for me. Tell them in their priorities, in their values.
Not like, oh, by the way, the walk will do you good. If if they thought that that was one of their values, they wouldn’t be asking for a lift. So it’s it’s where are you at? And how can you explain that in their language? And finally, know when to quit.
Pick your fights. If not picking a person up from the post office is going to cause them to be if they protest and they can’t accept, tell them what they want to hear until they’re ready. If they can’t accept the reason for not coming and they escalate, make a decision for yourself as to whether it’s worth the escalation or whether it would be wiser to capitulate and just go and do it.
And again, it’s about picking your fights because sometimes you win the battle and lose the war. This is Chris, you have a great day. Bye for now.

    Subscribe to my newsletter and be inspired