LISTEN AND FOCUS
THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN EVER GIVE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING IS TO SHUT THE F..K UP AND LISTEN TO THEM
I know you know how to listen. I know you care. But I think we can all improve how we listen. We can implement active listening skills which means we must interrupt the speaker frequently. Yes, good listening isn’t about sitting passively waiting for the other person to finish their story. It’s about really really really understanding, through the fog, what they are really, really, really saying. No second guesses, no assumptions, no projections. My partner rang me from Cairns, “i’ve got a flat tyre” – and I replied, “omg, that’s annoying, do you have your spare tube and tools?” Her reply was “I don’t need you to help me, I’m ok, I just needed someone to tell because I’m so pissed off as it’s my second puncture in two days.” In other words, shut up and listen. It’s funny but beautiful because I’m here telling you about active listening and I fell trap to being a solution, a coach, instead of a partner. It’s too easy to be a paid coach and then come home and forget to stop. My relationship will not flourish if I coach my partner. That’s relationship suicide. We treat people as we wish them to become and instead of “hopeless woman stuck in Cairns with no knowledge of bike maintenance” (she’s a world class triathlete) I would have been better saying, “wow, lucky it’s in good hands.” That would be active listening. If it was a client, I would say “how can I help?”
GRATITUDE WALK AUDIO
For this section of your homework today, please link to the audio podcast below and go for a gratitude walk.
RESCUE BREEDS RESENTMENT – DON’T GIVE ADVICE YOU Were Not ASKED FOR
We know you love to help people, especially those you love and care about. But today we are going to put an end to rescuing people who don’t ask for it. A habit that can really make you a pain in the arse and ruin a good friendship – relationship or parent-ship. No home work except to practice not giving your opinion, view, comment, advice, pointing things out, unless asked. Assume the best.
DON’T LISTEN TO ADVICE YOU DIDN’t ASK FOR OR WOULDN’T PAY FOR
Free advice, especially from your partner is the worst advice. And even worse than the worst advice is advice you didn’t ask for. Let me explain: We are attracted to people because they are different to us, not the same. That difference is what we love about them and if they were us, we wouldn’t like them anymore than we like to be alone with ourselves, so that’s clear. Every word of advice you give your partner and every piece of that advice they follow, comes from you making them more like you. That’s how friendly advice non professional advice works. We rather coat the world in leather than wear sandals. I choose very very very carefully who I take advice from on any topic and I always pay. If it’s not worth paying for it’s probably an opinion.
Opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one and didn’t do much to get it.
“Every human being has every human trait. They either express them or repress them. So be suspicious of advice you didn’t ask for.”
Chris – Da Vinci Walker