THE FURTHER YOU GET AWAY FROM SOMETHING – IN TIME AND SPACE… THE EASIER IT IS TO SEE IT
When you are focussed on something you don’t notice other things. The video’s below show two things. First, if you look at something and feel it, you sort of become it. That’s the rubber hand illusion. The second thing is that if you are focussed on something so hard, and your attention is drawn to it, you don’t notice something else going on around you. This is the art of resilience. If you focus on a loss, a stress, a bottle of alcohol, the misbehaviour of a client, the unattractive qualities of your partner, you will, at the end of the day, start to think that this is the only reality. Then resilience is gone.It all comes down to abundance. Lost resilience is when you focus on limitation. When you focus on limitation you feel reduced, small, insignificant, a beggar, vulnerable, weak and all the things that repel resources. But you can’t be a world champion, a great leader, or even a great mum or dad, without a sense of abundance. That’s also your finances as well as your opportunities, luck, fortune, friends, and love. So, I want you to feel abundance instead of poverty which is shyness or insecurity. Ok with the philosophy? You gotta come from abundance, of liked, wanted, celebrated, and know that’s what people want you to feel. Abundant. People want to be around abundance. And that’s resilience. I want to now show you how….
Shit happens. It often happens when we least expect it. I am (or was) an outdoor rescue qualified certified person, meaning if shit happened a long way from a hospital or rescue, I knew how to triage, save a life and not make things worse. Much of it is counter-intuitive and that’s what makes it really important to practice. In our training actors were hired to wear white overalls that had injuries built into them, including spurting blood, broken bones protruding and no pulse. Add to that, their ability and preparation to either scream like a stuck pig or lie about their symptoms so they acted in one way and responded verbally in another. Like “fuck off, I’m fine, leave me alone and then proceed to walk toward danger or be dizzy. Being tested was a three day process after a year of training and in front of a squad of clip board carrying experts. I passed every time. But many didn’t. Most failed because they had no resilience. They dove into a situation boots and all rather than take a helicopter view first. I’m highly skilled in helicopter view, in NYC, If one doesn’t get a helicopter view, you end up knifed in parts of the city I worked in. Plus my step-mother made Cinderella’s story a fairytale. (hahaha). So, 100% of resilience is about viewpoint. We were taught many acronyms during the first aid rescue training but the first and most important, on discovering a wounded individual, was self-protection. You never put yourself in danger to rescue someone. Do you see ambulance paramedics run to the accident? No, they walk and they assess. Do you see life-guards jump overboard from rescue craft to save a drowning person in panic? No, they stay safe. Two dead people don’t make one happy one. Step one and two in rescue are: Take Control and Is it Safe? A person bitten by a crocodile or snake might be screaming in pain, but two of you bitten doesn’t add up to rescue. When you get stressed and weakened by an event or situation it is because you missed those first two steps in emergency, shit happens, rescue: you didn’t A. Take control. B. Make sure it’s safe. And to do both you need arms length from the problem.
There are three videos below. The first two show how damn easy it is to lose control. The first, the rubber hand illusion is my favourite. There are hundreds of videos of this on YouTube I only selected an academic because it legitimises it. It takes only a few seconds for us to think that the problem and ourselves are one in the same thing. We take insults personally. We take work pressure as important. We take someone’s opinion as gospel. We become weak. We ask our partner for permission because we can’t work out who’s hand it is. We lose perspective so quickly and when someone strokes our ego, just like the hand, we think that is who we are and when it gets smashed by a hammer, we go into trauma. But, when in control, you can separate all this. Lose a game of sport, so what! Lose a promotion? Not me, I’m still me. Lose a partner in a divorce? You never really owned them and they are still there, you can still love them but of course, not easy if you can’t separate them from you. Resilience is not a toughness, it’s a control. No matter how much it hurts, it’s the illusion that you are that rubber hand. No one can hurt “YOU.” only they can hurt what you think you are or aren’t. Lose an arm or leg, you are still you. Have a heart transplant, you are still you. Have a brain injury, you are still you. But, we think we are the rubber hand. And that’s where we lose control. People can hit that hand with a hammer and we get stressed. Really? Really? How can work stress you if you are separate. It’s pressure, it’s hard, but there’s no use jumping into a raging ocean to rescue your ego and ending up drowning. Learning who is you and who isn’t. That’s resilience and the first step to strength, maintaining the ultimate control.
WALKER TALK – IS IT SAFE?
People go where angels fear to tread. Our resilience issues are not limited to ourselves. We can have anxiety over someone else’s bad luck, or their failures. We can have as much pain as the ones we care about and for some reason we think this helps. I feel it. When someone dies on the beach here and everyone is crying – I feel it. But it is not safe to do it. This is really hard to explain. But when, at the end of this programme you write a vision you’d die for, you’ll be asked a really key question: What matters most? Does feeling the feelings that other people feel help you live your vision or are you more interested in helping them live theirs at the cost of yours? You see, in life you get choices. You can choose to live vicariously through other people’s lives or you can live yours and respect with compassion theirs. It’s a huge difference. For example: let’s imagine you’re a heart surgeon. Not every one of your surgeries is successful. So, you do two a day, and once a week you hit a snag and boom, lost another one. Now, this is big stuff. You meet the family, you failed, you blew it, you killed grandma or grandpa and they can’t help but wonder if it was your fault. Some really mean types will seek retribution and try to sue you or even assault you. Now the question is “Is IT SAFE?” – is it safe to feel those guilty feelings, the sadness for the family etc? The next day, you’re back in surgery, now you carry sadness, guilt and pity into the next surgery. What’s the odds of success, higher or lower because you do what’s unsafe and let your emotions live vicariously through others, or do you stand back, make sure you’re clean and detached, and operate? Compassion has two sides: soft and hard. Sometimes, to make it safe to do your work, you have to let others deal with their stuff and not get caught in it trying to rescue them. A big clue to your clean state is the quality of your sleep at night. This is the truest value of the Oura Ring. Measuring whether you are carrying someone else’s baggage and making it not safe to be doing your work tomorrow – they call it the readiness score. Check out the powers of ten videos below .. the true revelation of how small we think sometimes and how attachments to little things can create huge loss in resilience.
“RESILIENCE IS TRULY A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR ATTACHMENTS.“
Chris – Da Vinci Walker